collective :: Beloved Aoi
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April 2015
« Mar    


Catt's books

Four and Twenty Blackbirds
Wings to the Kingdom
Not Flesh Nor Feathers
Those Who Went Remain There Still
Dreadful Skin
The Living Dead 2
The Thackery T. Lambshead Cabinet of Curiosities: Exhibits, Oddities, Images, and Stories from Top Authors and Artists
Bewere the Night
The Inexplicables
Dead Witch Walking
The Good, the Bad, and the Undead
Every Which Way But Dead
A Fistful of Charms

Catt's favorite books ยป

Not having the best April so far, depression-wise. Better than the other year, when it rained for the entire month, and I started to contemplate killing myself just to make the rain stop. Still not good, though.

Down enough that on a few different occasions, my mother asked me if an item I was looking at might be something I wanted for my birthday, and I couldn’t even answer. I finally came up with something yesterday, and I’m both timidly hopeful I might get it, and already spinning anxious guilt tummy in fear that I will.


And just to add some stupid to the mix, I just found myself looking on eBay for possible related items I could maybe get down the road. For something I don’t have. And don’t know if I ever will. Just to fucking distract myself from the emotional suck. YAY.

Just shoot me now. It’ll save everyone a lot of time and money and heartache in the long run. And maybe I’ll even get a decent sleep out of it.



All of the tears, forever.


Blame Jim Butcher’s Twitter feed – What Color Lightsaber Would You Wield?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

That actually reminds me of how I played KotOR. I’d go around being the nice girl, biting back annoyance, playing the hero…until I remembered that unlike in most RPGs, I didn’t have to. And then I’d do something horrible. This led to the love interest being really confused and conflicted. He liked me, because I was so giving and helpful and protected the weak! …and he was kind of upset about it, because I killed everyone who mouthed off to me. Good times.


So, a few weeks ago, TBP had a guest review of the Bleeding Edge Goths Olivia O’Lantern doll. Now, I’d heard of the line before, but mostly ignored them, because up to that point, I thought they all had the weird symbols for eyes. That was all I had seen, and they always struck me as creepy and gross and Do Not Want.

I have an eye thing. I love eyes. I love them on people, and it makes me particular about them on dolls. Particular enough that my MH Dance Class Robecca has one wonky eye, and the only reason I can deal with it is that she wears a combination monocle/eyepatch that hides it, and my brain still tries to convince me that we should get a non-wonky one. So you can imagine how GNYAAH the whole symbols-for-pupils thing made me.

But there’s Olivia, with her normal eyes, and hey, she’s cute, and kind of anime-y, so I start wondering about other non-symbol-eyed Begoths, and get to Googling, first some of the ones she specifically mentions in the review, and then more generally the line. The first one I do is Gloria Phobia:

Bleeding Edge Goths Gloria Phobia

She likes Jane’s Addiction! But not bigamy!

Hey, she’s cute! Wait, why is she one of the not-popular ones? Do people only like the creepy ones? WHAT IS HAPPENING, DOES NOT COMPUTE. But I shrug it off, there is confirmation of cute ones with real eyes, I must keep looking! And then I find…HER.

Bleedgine Edge Goths Greta Vendetta

Hey, baby, you so pretty, baby.

Greta Vendetta. *big sparkly heart eyes* And immediately I panic, because why do I always find out about this shit after the line has gone defunct? She was from the last series released, so there’s a chance of finding her, but what if she was really popular? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. But lo! The company still has some old stock they’re selling off, and guess who’s among them! ….unfortunately, their shipping charges are overblown (seriously, they wanted more to ship a $37, 12-inch doll than Tonner charges to ship their $170, 16-inch dolls. What the flying iced over fuck, you guys.) and that would put me like, $20 over my frittering-away money, and that was when I started to cry.

Spring is hard for me, okay? Its even harder when it refuses to actually BE spring, and then to fall for a happy, and think I can have it, only to have it slip past my fingertips, it just…yeah. Getting tipped over the edge by lame stuff is one of the more humiliating aspects of depression.

But! I have a Glory, who had been IMing with me through the whole thing, and got all, “Don’t cry! I want to get you a present, anyway! You want Greta? I want to get you Greta.”

……..yeah, I also ended up crying over the whole “generous friend that I don’t deserve” thing. DEPRESSION IS AWESOME, HAVE I MENTIONED?

Anyway, long story long — I have Greta:

My Greta Vendetta <3

Somebody order a box of awesome?

And I luuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve her! But not as much I lurve my Glory. :) I may, at some point, funds permitting, get her a friend (Gloria is still a cutie, and has a name very close to friend perfection, heh), but really, at this point, nobody’s going to live up to Greta. Its like having a little sign by your desk that glows “Someone loves you!” every time you look at it, and you just can’t beat that.


Ugh. Ughughughugh. I have to seriously consider moving my primary email away from Yahoo. I was having enough frustrations with their “upgrade,” and this morning it was still just the usual, but now, like, I log back in after a couple of hours, and it has changed AGAIN, with all the frustrations from the initial change, now more cramped and ugly and harder on the eyes! Fuck you very much!

Maybe I can just forward it somewhere. But where? There’s too much I dislike about all my other emails, its part of why I was still struggling along with Yahell. UGH.


So, we all know I have an unhealthy fixation with Monster High. I currently have a nekkid Ghoul’s Night Out Venus hanging out with my will-never-be-finished-apparently Operetta. I am tempted to get a Music Festival Venus for her under-dress, and then, like, re-sell the rest on eBay. We shall see. I also have a nekkid I <3 Shoes Cleo on its way, that I'm a little nervous about, because its a new seller, and I have some shit luck this past year or so with getting stinky-ass dolls and doll items from new sellers. Some, like with Venus, I can give her a few baths in some Basic H, and she's fine. Others, like my Gloom Beach Clawdeen, I can't get to stop stinking after the better part of a year, and I finally just tossed her, and I am still bummed about it.

I'm also nervous, because I was kind of hung-up on the Scaris Cleo, but then something about this particular Shoes Cleo just grabbed me, and she was only about $10, but some sellers, even if they only sell one at a time, they will use the same fucking picture for 16 different listings of the same item. So you don't always know if you have one of those assholes, or a legitimate seller who took an actual picture of the exact item in the listing until it arrives, and it is (like my beautiful, beloved Operetta) or isn't (like her smelly, badly painted shoes) the item you thought you were buying. AND I WANT IT TO BE THAT ITEM, THAT ONE IN THE PICTURE, THAT IS WHAT MADE ME GO WITH THIS CLEO INSTEAD OF HOLDING OUT FOR SCARIS, GIVE ME THAT ONE, ARGH.

....I'm a little stressed about it. Not so much that you'd notice, or anything. I mean, its not like I'm contemplating my third soda of the day when its only 11 am or anything, that would be crazy. Hey, look, a bear! *hides*

On the upside, TRU finally had their exclusive I <3 Fashion Scarah Screams available (online, anyway) and I got that fucker, because SCARAH! They are predicting it will be here on Wednesday. It will be put away for Christmas, but I don't even care about that, I'm just glad that Scarah is actually happening. And because it is happening, in two weeks, or two months, or just after Christmas, when I have opened her and swapped her outfit and divvied her extras among the other monsters, they will put out an economy line version of her with a face and a hair-do that I like a million times more, because that is the kind of luck I have. Also my luck, the new one will then be completely unfindable. But that will be okay, because lo, I will have a Scarah.

OH! Going back to the misleading pictures for a moment (and also swtiching doll brands). I was reading TBP's review of Bratzillaz “Magic Night Out” Meygana, who, um, I kind of love. I am slowly being sucking into Bratzillaz, and I am not happy about it. Anyway! She went also included a review and comparison of the new, economy Basic Meygana (now with next to no articulation and too-low painted eyes!) and she included this box picture of the five girls in the line:


*sings* Isagiyoku Kakko yoku ikite yukou…

Look at Yasmina! Now, I like Yasmina, anyway, despite her stupid name, and the creepy one-eyed alien pet, because she’s a psychic with an mild Egyptian theme. Seriously, she names the “Egyptian eye” as her power symbol, and the original Yasmina doll even has a tattoo of it on her forearm, and an outfit that kind of reminds me of what movies in the 30s thought archaeologists wore (and also a cape). So, I’m kind of predisposed to her, anyway. And then the prototype shots makes it look like cheap-o Basic Yas is Utena! Yes, okay, she has yellow eyes, and that’s wrong, but look at that HAIR, SHE IS TOTALLY UTENA! …except, um…she’s really not. Wah. I would have bought the hell out of that thing if she’d actually had Utena-hair. I would have bought three of them! One to keep, one for the bestest, and one to try and swap out the eyes on, so that she could be even more Utena!

I’m more forgiving of this, because its prototype vs production, but in some ways its more disappointing, because they actually made the doll less awesome for production. And honestly, if they had kept the style, and it just turned out to be the purple Yasmina typically sports rather than the pink of the prototype picture, I still would have bought it. I would have put hr in a little school girl outfit, and given her a sword, and pretended that Utena and Anthy magically had a kid, and I would’ve smiled every time I looked at it.

Oh, well. That’s ten bucks I can spend on something else, at least.

And I still want that soda. What the hell, self.


So, I’ve kind of had an eye on the Monster High Create-A-Monster Design Lab for a while now, for reasons that are obvious if you’ve ever looked around here. But I can’t even cut straight — no, not even with a carefully placed ruler — so I was skeptical of my abilities to align the “tattoos” properly, and the fact that all the Design Lab packs have incredibly featureless heads that I hesitate to even call a sculpt were slightly creepy to me. The real death knell was the original $40 price tag, though. That relegated it to the Land of NO.

But I couldn’t quite dismiss it, either. I like some of the faces and body tattoo choices, and I like the doll that comes with the lab, even if she was creepily smooth. So it stayed on my Amazon list in hopes of an eventual price that I could stomach. And it eventually sank under $30, but my Amazon list is so full of things I really want, that it just sat there.

And then My Coke Rewards got a refill on their B&N gift codes, and I snagged one, figuring I’d use it for a couple books, or maybe a season of Warehouse 13. I’m not even sure what made me search for MH there, because their toy section tends towards the educational and the stuffed, and the MH items tend to be thin on the ground. But I did, and they had the Design Lab! For $23! And then, being me, I was still chicken, and decided I needed to find a review. Not Amazon, I will take Amazon reviews for some things, but not MH. I gave up after seeing a half dozen people giving negative reviews because an arm pulled off, despite that sheet of paper included with every doll showing how THEY ARE MEANT TO.

Luckily, The Toy Box Philosopher had the kind of review that I wish I could write — fun, informative, in-depth, helpful pictures. Long story slightly less long: I bought it.

Probably I will be complete crap at the damn thing, but whatever, I basically got it for being a soda-drinker, and the price of shipping. Totally worth it.


Seriously? This is not news. I mean, doesn’t “news” require it to be new information? Because this —

Yahoo! homepage, 09/16/13

Yahoo! homepage, 09/16/13

— this was known back when I was first getting migraines. THIRTEEN AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS AGO. Why is there a study NOW? And why would “*lol* we were right!” which is what the study amounts to, count as news?

Ugh. Just…go choke on your own stupid and leave the rest of us alone.


I like this a lot. I do not, however, like it $50 worth. Maybe if I knew they were a certain size. Like, if they were in the 8 inch range, I could maybe get excited. But let’s be honest, they’re going to be like, 3 or 4 inches tall, and I don’t care if they are exclusive, that is a bullshit price for something that small.

I am simultaneously looking forward to and fearing the *Nsync reunion at the VMAs tonight. I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch, really. I came in late to that fandom, like, after the Celebrity release, but I loved it hard, and I am wary and nervous. Hopeful. But wary and nervous.

Oh my god, you guys, please don’t suck, I love you so much.

Also, Justin owes the world something good to make up for turning an anti-rape rally into A FUCKING DANCE SONG. Seriously, man, I know you went to bus school, but surely you have people around you who have actually lived in, or at least heard of, or read about the world. Surely.

Not that he necessarily listens to them.

Jesus, I’m going to spend all day with a stomach ache, until I see them and they don’t fuck up, aren’t I? Ugh. I’m going to need chocolate if I have to deal with this shit.





Sitting on eBay waiting for an auction to end. Its the kind of fun that’s not. I might be a little less bored and impatient if the end result didn’t also mean that I’d know if I could get something for my Operetta doll. I’ve been in kind of a Monster High zone lately.

(Do I have an MH category, here? …it appears not. Well, now I do.)

I kind of consciously decided recently that for the official character dolls, I wanted to put together my own personal “uber” versions of them. I’d already kind of done it with Ghoulia and Lagoona, without really thinking about it – the original Lagoona is still my favorite face for her, I just swapped out part of her outfit for something I liked better, and with Ghoulia, I fell for the Comic Club fashion, and got Skull Shores Ghoulia specifically to wear it. Lagoona’s not 100%, I think, I want different jewelry for her, but mostly I’m happy with her.

It was really Operetta that made me officially, consciously decide to do it, and to do it for the others as well. I love The Phantom of the Opera. LOVE. Like, in high school, people who my mother worked with went to see it and brought me back PotO souvenirs, even. And while I don’t really understand MH’s decision to go rockabilly with her, and make her from New Orleans (yes, I know the French influence there, but…why not just make her French?), I do love that her scars and tattoos are based on music, roses, and spider webs. Also, rockabilly tends to skew ’50s and I’m something of a sucker for the 1950s. So I kind of just love Operetta on principal, even while I was not entirely taken with any of the dolls.

Something similar happened with Spectra, except in her case, I hate the character, and kind of dig the dolls. Vexing.

Anyway! I have the Operetta with the hair and make-up I love, and I got the outfit for her that I love, and now she just needs shoes and jewelry. And of course, being so close is making my kind of impatient to just finish her, and arrrrrrrrrrgh, when is this auction ending? (…an hour and a half. I can make it an hour and a half. Theoretically.)

But, hey, at least I know what I want to do with her, some of them I have no real idea. And some of them I have no current interest in (I’m looking at you, Clawd and Holt). And some of them I can’t really decide if I have an interest or not (Twyla, Wydowna, pretty much all of the cat characters). And in the case of one special one, I would probably take anything so long as it was both affordable and semi-easily available (Scarah <3 ).

Bah, the auction made a sudden jump. Of course it did. But I am still in the game! The hideously boring, slow game. So…football. eBay is football. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.