collective :: Beloved Aoi
contact :: email : icq : aim
wishlist :: Amazon : FlaxArt


Catt's books

Four and Twenty Blackbirds
Wings to the Kingdom
Not Flesh Nor Feathers
Those Who Went Remain There Still
Dreadful Skin
The Living Dead 2
The Thackery T. Lambshead Cabinet of Curiosities: Exhibits, Oddities, Images, and Stories from Top Authors and Artists
Bewere the Night
The Inexplicables
Dead Witch Walking
The Good, the Bad, and the Undead
Every Which Way But Dead
A Fistful of Charms

Catt's favorite books ยป

I have a weakness.

I ordered myself a Nendoroid #618 – Captain America figure for Christmas. Because a, survey rewards, and b:


The cutest Avenger.

I mean. Seriously.

He won’t come til after the new year, but whatthefuckever, State-side sellers tend to ask 10x as much for Nendoroids. I can wait a month for reasonably priced adorableness, thank you.

There’s also an Infinity Wars version, because of course there is. It might join us at some point, because I have a thing, and it is maybe shaped like Steve, and I am okay with that.

Especially when it is jesus-christ-what-the-fuck levels of adorable. Because seriously, guys, jesus christ, and what the fuck. I can’t even.


I am having surprisingly good luck with Hairdorables so far. I’m up to four with no doubles yet. YET. My latest girls are Sk8r Noah and Whimsical Willow.

I was very pleased and excited when I opened the compartment with Noah’s skateboard, as Sk8r Noah is my favorite Noah, although I tried to tamp down just case one of the others also had a skateboard, and I had just forgotten. I have pictures saved of most of the girls, either concept art or prototype, sometimes both, but I don’t have all the accessories and whatnot memorized, and don’t particularly care to. It leaves me more surprise, and I’m finding that I kind of enjoy the “oh, who’s inside/who am I going to meet” aspect.

I guess with a large enough percentage of options that appeal to me, I actually do like blind boxes. Who knew?

Willow, though. If I was going to get a Willow, Whimsical Willow is 100% the one I would want. Its just…her color scheme feels like cotton candy (hate cotton candy, always have), and holy geez is she into unicorns. I got over unicorns sometime around middle school, and I never wanted them everywhere even before that. I’m trying to focus on the fact that she loves mint green (really really wish that instead of a third unicorn item, they’d made her top a green hoodie with brown polka dots, like mint chocolate chip ice cream) and is super into fashion without being pretentious or snobby about it. So far though, I’ve just kind of shoved Willow to the back and told the others to like her for me.

Maybe she’ll grow on me. I’ve gotten past the not-a-double-but-feels-like-one with Neila, although I am considering a rebody to help put more distance between her and Sallee, and I’ve half taken to calling her Soleil in my head, because as much as I want to believe she was named for Neil Armstrong, the prevalence of jokes and punnery in the dolls’ names leaves me pretty sure that they actually named her that because its “alien” backwards.

I mean…her rare version, Super Neila, is an actual alien. She’s like, robin’s egg blue, even. They might as well just give her a t-shirt proclaiming it.

They’re cousins! (Not the Greek kind.)

Second Hairdorable has arrived, and is…a tiny bit of a letdown? She’s not a duplicate, so that’s a win, and she’s cute (of course she is), and even a different character, which should be a yay, except…she’s Moonlit Neila.

Who could frankly be Stylin’ Sallee’s twin.

They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike!

Stylin’ Sallee (left), Moonlit Neila (right)

There are differences, yes: Neila’s skin is lighter, and her faceup is in different colors. Sallee’s hair is more of a true white, while Neila’s has a silver tone to it, and their blues are different in both shade and amount. And yet you’re still left kind of feeling like you have a double, while not actually having a double. I’m…not actually sure what to do with this.

…aside from get her out of that dress. That is some hardcore hideous right there. Wow.

Why so cute?

I’m not generally into the blind box/bag toy thing. For one, I am the person who will compare all the packages of a doll on the shelf to pick the one I like best. (I do this with eBay listings, too. Its actually kind of amazing that I buy dolls online, considering.) Second, I tend to only find one or two appealing, and either the series has so many that even “common” cannot be counted on to be found easily, or those two fall somewhere in the “uncommon” to “ultra rare” range. Its just not worth it, either in satisfaction or cost.

But…Hairdorables. Fucking cheerful, candy-colored, little chunks of adorable. Dammit.

The cuteness is killing me.

I actually like a good percentage of them, too. And out of the 36 dolls (12 characters, 3 versions each) only 2 are rare, and one ultra-rare…and they’re actually some of the ones I like least. My favorite is Harmony, which I do not understand, because…green hair. And not nice green, either, its lime, but it slides close to Pizzazz territory, and then they added bright blue accents, because that’ll help, somehow? WTH? And yet…I kind of love her. AND! None of her versions are rare. *cue anime heart eyes*

So, I took a chance, with the help of some gift cards, and ordered one. She promptly got accidentally sorted to Florida, because of course she did, but after a week she finally made to me, and with a lot of worry about disappointment, and a vague conviction that I would somehow get Rayne Showers (because she is a rare that I haaaaaaaaaaaate), I opened her and discovered — Stylin’ Sallee!

I…I actually like Sallee (despite the awful spelling that I keep typing as “Salle,” wth, brain), and this Sallee, in particular. I have a tendency to think that my favorite Sallee is whichever one I am currently looking at, but when I look at a pic of the three together, Stylin’ Sallee wins. YAY!

I like her so much that I ordered another one. And I’m thinking about ordering more beyond that. This…could be a problem….

I’m trying, guys.

So. Like I said, depression can and will make little flaws and problems and failures grow huge and heavy until they are all you can see, and the weight and disappointment is all you can feel.

And just to add insult to injury, YOU KNOW ITS HAPPENING. You live with this crap inside you long enough, and there’s a part of you that is aware and struggles to balance and calm you by pointing it out, but it kind of just makes it worse, because now its like “oh, I’m being stupid and unreasonable ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.” Like…just fuck you, brain chemistry. Go die in a fire, I don’t fucking need you, you are ruining my life.

The Xanthoderma is…fine. Probably better than fine. She feels solid, the joints are tight, but not so tight you feel like you’ll break her. For the price, she is probably pretty damn good. I know this. I do. I just can’t feel it. All I feel is doom and wrong from her flaws, and the fact that she is not really going to work for the thing I bought her for, and I can’t think of what else to do with her, and so the flaws get bigger, and the disappointment sharper, and then she’s just money that I could’ve spent on something else, that maybe would’ve worked out. And its just builds on itself, like a recycling fountain of suck or something.

So I am just going to put Xantha away, where I won’t see her and dwell on her so much, and maybe with some distance, and please god some better emotions, I will see pluses and get some ideas, and…just really not feel like a fucking failure over a stupid figure body.

Fingers crossed.


I feel like things go wrong when I am least capable of handling them. Not necessarily big wrongs, either. Stupid, small, petty shit, that feels like the goddamn Titanic-killing iceberg because I just…can’t. Its all I can do not to cry at BREATHING, I cannot deal with anything more.

So of course the mores keep coming.

I’d like to do something to relax or calm or brighten me, even just a little, but that keeps going wrong, too. That’s what got me here, writing this. So what now?

Seriously. I’d like to know.

Giiiiiiiiiive iiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Gragh. The body for Pin-up Cap is sooooooo cloooooooooooooose. They are projecting delivery for tomorrow, but it left the distribution center for the nearest city a couple hours ago, so its possible it could sneak in today. Certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

Even if it does take till tomorrow, though, that’s only one day past the original estimation, and a grand total of ten days from shipping. Which was, again, from China.

The swiftness makes me both happy and nervous, because ITS ALMOST HERE, YAY, but also because ITS ALMOST HERE ALREADY WHERE IS HE MAKING HIS MONEY.

Please don’t be a piece of crap. Or smell strong enough to kill. Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase. *crosses fingers and toes and arms and legs and eyes*

edit: 8:25am:



Sooo…I ordered a body for my Super Duck Female Captain America Outfit, because its been sitting in its box for like, five and a half months, and I am not even sure where my True Type girl is anymore, and honestly, even just looking at the proposed search area was overwhelming for me.

Yay, mental/emotional health issues!

But, yeah, I had some Amazon credit, and a listing for a figure that looked appealing to me (a Xanthoderma…? I don’t fucking know, it looks a lot like a Kumik, if the pics were accurate), and was only a couple dollars over what I had, and though they did not specify their location, the projected delivery dates just made me assume they were in the States, which pretty much decided me on that seller over another.

Then I checked the tracking number, hoping to get a more accurate delivery date, and…saw this:

So. A roughly $20 item, with free shipping, and a 3-9 day delivery window…from China. Either somebody’s a liar, this is going to turn out to be a piece of crap, or buddy, you are losing money on your listings. The hell.

Fingers crossed on dude losing money. Urk.

Bitch knew what she was doing.

me: *sitting in the living room, on my laptop*
mom: *comes in* Its chilly, but I’m going to open windows anyway! Is that okay?
me: I guess…?
mom: *opens three windows, putters off to have tea on the sun porch*

two minutes later
me: wtf, chilly? it is COLD
me: *gets up, checks windows beside and behind my chair*
both windows: *75% of the way open*


Mixed bag.

Doing some internet window shopping to distract me a bit from emotional suck. Well, mostly window shopping, I do have a couple bids in on eBay, but its a rare, and a good-sized lot, and both are really low prices with more than a few days left. I’m not holding my breath on getting them, but I would like to.

Anyway. “Window” shopping. Yes. Right now, I am looking at Lagoonas. I do have an original Lagoona Blue, in a mixed and matched outfit (I have the entirety of her original stock…somewhere), but I’ve never been completely in love with her, its just a “yeah, you’ll do, I guess.” I dig Lagoona as a character, but when it comes to the dolls, the hair and make-up tend to be so similar that I just haven’t been moved towards a specific one. I like the abundance of blue streaks on Frights Camera Action, but I’m not really sold on the super dark lipstick. The fro-like poof of curls on Exchange Student ‘Oona is cute and different, but that’s about all I like about her. I really love her Scarrier Reef hair, but I also hate the weird hot pink dot-explosion of her eye make-up. Its just kind of…pink eye/fungal infection-y. Do Not Want.

Also, I have a tendency to go for high ponytails and cute bobs on MH dolls, with a much stronger emphasis on the ponies, so as much as I like it, her hairstyle is actually a strike against her. I do really like the thick streaks, though, and the addition of a third color. Even if it is pink. At least its a darker pink, unlike Fangtastic Fitness or that roller-date-with-Gil one (Love on Wheels? Something like that Wheel Love! That’s it!). Keep your pastels for Barbie, Mattel.

And maybe Rochelle. Her whole gargoyle thing makes pastels seem more “faded from decades of exposure to the sun on the Paris roof-tops” and less boring cliche girly.

Anyway the second. Back to Lagoona. I sort of have an idea for hair for her, and of course it involves at least a partial reroot, because UGH, SELF. But that would at least give me the option of thicker streaks in whatever colors I want (is four colors too many? in addition to the blonde? what if two of them are thin accents to the other two?), and it would be a different look, particularly for her, but also a bit from the other Monster girls. Assuming I could actually make it work. Which is always a bad idea with me.

Oh! Speaking of ideas, and relative badness thereof – my cheap-ass MH shoes from China arrived! Neither pair that I really wanted was included in the mix. A few pairs I was okay with (and had varying levels – or lack of – interest in) are present. …and TWO fucking pairs of Venus McFlytrap’s open-toed, stud-wrapped boots. *facepalm* I mean, I love those fucking boots, but I already have them; my Venus has been wearing them for actual years, and now I have two more sets.

But hey, I spent $1.80 and they came really fast, so really, its hard to be too upset. And to be completely honest, if I had another coupon, I would totally roll the dice and order another set.