collective :: Beloved Aoi
contact :: email : icq : aim
wishlist :: Amazon : FlaxArt


Catt's books

Four and Twenty Blackbirds
Wings to the Kingdom
Not Flesh Nor Feathers
Those Who Went Remain There Still
Dreadful Skin
The Living Dead 2
The Thackery T. Lambshead Cabinet of Curiosities: Exhibits, Oddities, Images, and Stories from Top Authors and Artists
Bewere the Night
The Inexplicables
Dead Witch Walking
The Good, the Bad, and the Undead
Every Which Way But Dead
A Fistful of Charms

Catt's favorite books »


That’s my life in a nutshell. Crying pathetic desperation – no one’s around or cares, but hey, have some points.


Things are…crappy right now. Stacked layers of suck, most of which I can do nothing about, and the slivers I might possibly be able to effect, I..don’t really have the mental or emotional strength/bravery to actually do.

I need someone to just come in and be brave and adult for me for like, ten minutes. Half hour, tops. I think. Probably that would be long enough.

I don’t have that, though, so instead I duck my head and make tiny steps with various dolls and play Animal Crossing and try to not to cry.

And also to ignore my longing for some peanut butter cup cookies. *sighs*

Anyway. I went to AliExpress to possibly look for some cheap knock-off Monster High shit, and when I logged in to add something to my wishlist, they got all “HEY WELCOME BACK OMG HAVE A $4 COUPON” and it was good on any $5+ order, so, um. I bought a random lot of 10 shoes. With my luck, I will not get either of the pairs I really want, or even the ones I wouldn’t mind, but hey, with the coupon I spent just under a buck-eighty, so…worth it.

And if I do miraculously get one (or both) of the pairs I really hope for, it will fucking reach back into time and be the highlight of my week.

Because they will take like, a month to get here.

Because they are coming from China.

So it will…look, I didn’t say it was funny, okay? Shut up.

Of fur and plastic.

Sometimes I think I use scissors incorrectly. They hurt my fingers. But really, if I don’t have scissors down at this point, I probably won’t ever.

Anyway, fate apparently agreed with my intent to reroot Clawdia, as she arrived with mild glue seepage, leaving the top half of her hair flat and tacky. Honestly, just clipping it down to stubble has improved her looks. Lordy. She also came with some unexpected marker on one leg, but it was on the upper thigh, under her dress, so I feel its reasonable that the seller didn’t know it was there. Some Dawn and a little time with an old toothbrush, and you can barely see it anymore. I’m finding myself liking her more than expected, and she’s still in the deconstruction stage. Hopefully that’s a good sign.

Deena is still on her old body, because I wanted to drybrush the new body’s fur tufts, and didn’t want to risk mussing her hair or getting paint on it or her face, because I would manage that somehow, and not notice it for like, two months. The ankle fur turned out great, but the wrists are…underwhelming. I’m debating trying again, but honestly, I think part of it may just be the size of the scuplt. There’s just not as much detail to accent.

I’m wondering if I should try to accent Pawla’s tufts. She’s got a darker tone and more fur, though, it might not turn out as well. Eh, there’s no rush, it can be done (or not) any time. I really wish original Howleen had the fur tufts, I like them so much! I know, Reboot!Howleen has them, but Reboot!Howleen is also about ten, and just…isn’t Leena, to me. Although I would love to see her in Leena’s original shirt, it looks like something Not-Howleen would steal, and then leave Leena fuming, while Deena stood behind her all, “GEE, I WONDER WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE. WHERE DO YOU THINK SHE LEARNED THAT.”

….now I kind of want Deena to have a shirt that says “Karma is a Bitch” with a hugely grinning she-wolf underneath. I…might have problems.

The Wolfing Continues!

….still not sure why.

Clawd, and Clawdeen’s body, and also Surprise Purchase Younger Sibling Pawla are all here. (I had Amazon credit, someone had her cheap with free shipping, Pawla is adorable, you do the math.) Clawdeen is not actually ON her new body yet, but it is stripped and headless and ready to go, just as soon as I summon the…um…gumption? Energy? Something. Clawd…Clawd needs clothes and/or a new body badly, because naked just emphasizes how odd and sort of feminine the legs are on the guys, and how utterly wrong that is for Clawd. I have ideas for him, but they require both money and ambition, and I am flat out of one, and don’t have great history with the other.

But! I did have a little money for a few hours (yay, survey rewards!), and I bought a Clawdia. Shopping for Clawdia was interesting, in a way that was both annoying and boring. I knew I wanted Frights, Camera, Action Clawdia, because I don’t like the pewter-and-gold eyeshadow and nude lip on the Pack of Trouble Clawdia, and I just do not feel like repainting her. Hair didn’t matter, because that shit is coming right the hell out, ohmygod. I kept going towards the nude ones, because I really do hate her clothes, and then I had to keep correcting that, because I can always resell them or rip them apart to help me make new clothes later. The important thing was really that she had her arms and hands, and of course, the state of her face. Sometimes a skew can be worked around or lived with, and sometimes it will just drive you up the goddamn wall. So any listing with the head angled too much was just written off. You might be lazy and that was just the last position the head was in before you took pictures. Or you might be a shady bastard trying to hide an epic eyewonk. I don’t know, but I know MH enough not to trust you. But then I discovered another (weird) problem — the feel of her smile can totally vary between dolls. Like…what? They’re the same mold with the same faceup, why does this one feel flat and kind of psycho and this one reads friendlier and cuter? How…? Ugh. Just UGH.

So I wound up getting a fully dressed Clawdia with slightly flyaway hair. She’s missing her accessories, and most of her jewelry…but seems to still have her earrings? Okay. Weird, but the black, mismatched earrings is one of the things I actually like about Clawdia, so score. I want to get her a laptop eventually, because even if it had been included in the listing, that headstone-shaped tablet seems impractical both for writing her scripts, and doing her course work. I also have my eye on both new hair colors and some fabric quarters for her, but that will have to wait until my next round of rewards comes in.

It may also be pushed back in favor of clothes/shoes/bodies for her siblings. And I kind of want a Reboot Howleen to become another, not-Howleen sibling. But that would require a reroot and fiddling with the ears; its like they made her younger and smaller but kept her ears the same size? WTH? Anyway, that pushes her down the list.

I’d also like to get Barker, but he is so far only in the 3-pack with a lesser-articulated Deena and Weredith, neither of whom I want, and judging by the lack of loose Barkers on eBay, I would guess that most people buying the set are doing so for him. Maybe they’ll release a solo package of him down the road, if MH manages to putter along long enough. Or one of the other brothers? From my vague memories of watching the reboot movie, Deena appeared to have 4 or 5 younger brothers who were completely identical apart from hair color (not sure if they count as quints, or just a typical litter, because…werewolves). There’s also a promo/site image of Monster Family folks that includes Deena, her mom, and two little brothers who appear to be Barker and his fraternal twin. So its not out of the realm of possibility, is what I’m saying.

Mind you, I also wouldn’t hold my breath for it, either.

Anyway. This will probably be the last Wolf sibling purchased for a while, but probably not the last thing I purchase for them. I actually have ideas, and I kind of want to encourage that. Its way better than crying or wandering the house with sighs and sadface, and unlike all my hard work in Animal Crossing: New Leaf, its something physical I can show people. Not that I am exactly drowning in people who give a shit, but its nice to have the option. And if nothing else, I can always count on Glory to say “cool!” and encourage me. That feels extra nice when you’re doing crappy. 🙂

I never know how to wrap up. I’m the embodiment of that Eddie Izzard joke about ending with a nice “…oh” feeling. Might as well embrace it, right? Right. Think I might have a Coke.

Blah, blah, MH, blah.

I seem to be having a resurgence in my Monster High interest. I am going to blame watching too many Dollightful make-over vids. Partly, anyway, it certainly inflamed my OOAK daydreams, but I was already looking at pic-heavy reviews and posts and I can’t remember WHY, I only remember watching her take a hacksaw to a doll’s legs (for the Wendigo, I think? Or maybe the Legendary Pokemon? I dunno anymore) and starting to fantasize about using one to build Alivia Stein a more poseable body.

Yeah, I’m not that skilled.

And I don’t have a hacksaw.

….but there is one on my Amazon list now. ¬_¬

Aaaaanyway. I have now somehow ended up working on my Wolf family. I already had Clawdeen (New Scaremester, I think?) and Howleen (Dance Class), and never felt much moved to expand, but…apparently that has changed. For some reason that I don’t really understand. I ordered a reboot body for Deena, because I think the fur tufts at her wrists and ankles are ADORABLE, although poor Leena is the one who could actually use a new body (hers came with an unfortunate gouge on one shin that was not noticed until after the box was destroyed and discarded). I also got a Clawd off eBay, I think he has the original boy body? I honestly can’t detect much difference in the pre and post boy bodies. Supposedly they filled them out a bit, but I have only ever had the pre’s, and I haven’t actually seen direct photo comparisons. And since reboot-Clawd doesn’t have cute tufts, I don’t really care much. Sorry, Clawd. Maybe if I get lucky/rich/ambitious, you’ll get a more accurate, upgraded body, but probably don’t hold your breath for it.

You’d think my next step would be looking into a non-gouged body for Howleen, but somehow this morning I found myself looking at Clawdia. Clawdia, who I always kind of felt like I SHOULD like, being the only writer (NO, HALF-DEAF BITCH-SNOOP GOSSIP COLUMNISTS DO NOT COUNT, STFU) character among a legion of sporty, nerdy, and variously-creative monsters. And I sort of do. But then its like, crazed smile, and ghastly stab-your-eyes-yellow hair and those giant glasses that eat her entire face, and oh god why are you wearing red knee-high socks with gold mary janes and a very very going-clubbing style dress with a Future Business Leaders blazer? Clawdia, why?

But I keep thinking, y’know, with different clothes, and more flattering glasses, and a toned-down hair color…she could be pretty cute. And why is her style so schizophrenically high-maintence, anyway? She is a COLLEGE STUDENT, who wants to be a SCRIPTCRYPTWRITER. Artsy and nerdy and relaxed would make WAAAAAAAAAAAY more sense. And make her more unique among her known siblings.

Plus, y’know, if there’s one thing I need, its more projects. Especially ones that involve rerooting. *rolls eyes* On the other hand…I am pretty depressed right now, and MH is a happy, and projects are at least distracting, so…maybe I should embrace it.

Or, embrace the planning parts, anyway. Maybe try not to spend more money until I get some survey rewards in.

…emphasis on “try.”


Cir-El’s extra hands arrived a few days ago, and they are pretty adorable. I feel a little silly, because out of three pairs, I will probably only use one.

Hand. One hand. Not one pair.

The loose-grip hands are nice, but have no real use on a flying tank character, unless they’re showing off by bending a steel bar. There’s an amusing pair that I think of as “posing senshi” hands, the left has thumb and forefinger extended in almost a gun pose, and the right is basically a fist with the first two fingers straight out and together, like a scout-salute. There’s a slim chance I’ll use the right hand on her, but most likely I’d use it for a couple pictures and be done with it. That just leaves the bad fists, which would hurt you more than your opponent in a fight, but would be quite good for a hands-on-hips pose. I think they’re actually meant to be a cutesy catgirl curl, but…ah…no. No, we are not doing that. Not even if this wasn’t meant to be Cir-El. Just, no.

I could technically use both bad-fists, but I’ve never really been into the fists on hips, heroic ta-da! look. So, one fist on hip, the other a relaxed hand at her side. Still a bit of a pose, but its a more natural one, and it seems more confident to me, anyway. Like, “I don’t have to do the cliched playacting intimidation pose, I just need to show up, and we both know it.” Yeah.

Not really sure what to do with the other hands. I could sell them off, I suppose. With my luck that would be when I suddenly eveloped a need/use for them. Seems stupid keeping them around juse in case, though.

Oh, well. Back to waiting for the wig. *sinks down in chair*

Progress! …?

Cir-El boots – check!
Cir-El suit (base) – check!
Cir-El wig-cap – check!

I have also ordered the wig, and some extra hands for her, although they are coming from China and Japan respectively, so that could take a while.

I’m see-sawing a bit on how I want to do the cape, and I have not fully decided how I’m going to style the symbol/S.

Oh, yeah, and her head it totally still not done. Ha. So. There’s that. ¬_¬

Does this make me a Futuresmith?

Something in me seems to be wanting this year to be The Year I Finish Cir-El. I can’t really blame it, Cir-El has been languishing long enough that I actually forgot that the pale Obitsu I’ve had laying around was in fact bought for her and didn’t remember until after I had (re)checked it for skintone match, and done a happy little wiggle that it was perfect.

Like, probably a good twenty minutes or more after. Yeah.

The problem is entirely me, honestly, aside from having a really bad time with my depression all this past year, I have no confidence in myself to do the make-up bits, and possibly less that I can actually replicate it symmetrically should I manage one side (this is why she has one eyebrow).

But I want to do her, I want to have her, I want it to be done.

It doesn’t hurt that I think I have actually found the perfect wig. Or, rather, the wig I want, since most of the pics I’ve found, her hair looks like its in motion, even when she is not. Its short, its black, its got a bit of curl, and I LIKE IT, which is probably as close to perfection as I’m likely to get. I’m pretty sure I have her boots and suit worked out, although her “emblem” is a stick in my craw, because I haaaaaaaaaaaaates it, preeeecioussssssssssss. Like, I get it, she is a False Supergirl, so she gets this stupid messy S scrawled on her suit as kind of a clue, but its ugly, and they’re not even terribly consistent about it, so why stick to it when I hate it? Answer – dunno, so I probably won’t, but I’m not sure what I will do just yet. I also have ideas about the cape (primarily, making it a separate piece), and her gloves (more fingerless arm-warmers, really, because doll gloves are really just fugly mittens).

As a bonus, I have Christmas money, so I can probably actually assemble the things I need/want. Which means that it really is just me, and my self-sabotage and lack of confidence in my abilities that is standing between me and actually having Cir-El done and striking a pose on my goddamn shelf already.

…here’s crossing our fingers and toes, I guess.

The rest is silence.



Great. Awesome. I knew it was a mistake a split second after I let Atahualpa update, but I was dead tired, and I was stupid, and now look, everything is fucked. And stupid. And ugly.

So basically my blog is me, now.

I…I just don’t even have the strength to deal with this right now. Or maybe ever.

Fuck everything.

edit: Well, I fixed the sidebars a little? Everything still sucks, and now my head hurts, so that is all she wrote for now. However long “now” proves to be.