Michael and I have issues. Of many different kinds. But not as many as the makers of Peter Pan.

Michael: sorry. the issues have gotten to me again

Me: they’re sneaky that way

Michael: yes. the sneeky little bastard issues

Me: we need to get some issue-repellant, i think

Michael: *shrieks* but the only issue repellant I know abou is……seriousness.

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Michael: and I hear seriousness is a gateway drug. it leads to things like: jobs, ageing, and the worst drug of all…..religion. *screams and runs away*

Me: *gibbers with fear and horror*

Michael: *hiding*

Me: *covers her eyes and sings the Toys R Us song really loud until the serious monster goes away*

Michael: *sings queen songs*

Me: mmmmmmmmmm, queeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen

Michael: cause freddy mercury never grew up. like peter pan….but less gay

Michael: yeah have you seen the new peter pan?

Me: no. i’ve never been terribly into peter pan, to be honest

Michael: he’s very….um sparkly.

Me: sparklier than a grown woman playing a twelve year old boy with glitter for pixie dust?

Michael: did you ever see that r.e.m video for losing my religion?

Me: yes….

Michael: remember the little golden angel boy attached to the cross?

Me: yyyyessss…..

Michael: more sparkly then that.

Me: oh sweet jesus

Michael: behold the wrongness

Me: wow. that is the gayest gay that ever gayed.

Michael: it’s like legitimate porno for pedophiles

Me: i imagine they had to cut out the love scenes between peter and hook. if only for american distribution

Michael: ya know….I think you might be right.

Me: can’t see any reason for that outfit but to seduce pirates.

Michael: the sexual deviousness of the 12 year old boy well established.

Me: temptresses, all of them