I’m getting really sick of feeling unwanted and unloved. And there’s no real reason for me to be feeling this way, I just do, and its horrible and I’m tired of it, and it can stop any time, okay?

It doesn’t really help that my instictinve response to feeling depressed and alone is to spend money. Which I barely have, and will only leave me feeling guilty on top of everything else.

Knowing this doesn’t really stop the urge. Especially when its stuff I’ve been wanting, anyway. *sighs*

Its so much fun trying to find auctions for a line of dolls that you can’t quite remember the name of. *beats head against desk* I don’t know! The ones with the bicycles! Or the Vespas! Either one’s good, man. I don’t even ask that they still have the bikes or scooters, I just want the doll, because that line had jointed knees. Which meant that the entire leg was hard plastic, which means I can just pop the head off and dye the entire body without having to worry about fucking up the legs.

Well. Any more so than they’ll be after I try to dye flesh-tones grey, anyway.

I just want a Sparkle figure, okay? And, hey, if it works, I might try dying one gold, so that Starfire can keep Raven company. But right now, I just want to try and make Sparkle. And that means finding the stupid My Scene line with the stupid jointed knees. Bah.

Once more unto the breach.

I’m trying to do a new layout for here, but the muses, they are not cooperating. Which would suggest that possibly I should choose a different picture, or try having it lay differently, but I want this one, dammit, and I want the mouth, and that glimpse of slow, pale curves just before the tables hit.

Its just that its leaving this big dead area, and text doesn’t seem to work there, and adding a second image just distracts from the one I really want.

I’m so out of practice creatively. All the voices got so quiet, and then I tried less and less, and the longer it is, the harder it is to get them to speak again.

*sighs* I probably shouldn’t be trying when I’m tired, anyway, but it helps to distract me from feeling like the clingy, pathetic, unwanted friend who won’t take a hint.

Tom Delonge is a fucking idiot. “OMG, Unforgettable Fire! That was my first U2 album, AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE THESE TWO SONGS THAT AREN’T ON IT AT ALL.” God, just admit you don’t listen to any voice but your own, and you just know the song titles because everyone knows those two songs.

Dude, if I had been that interviewer, the’d have hated me, because I’d have been lecturing them about U2, and pointing out that they are rambling, pretentious jackholes (Tom in particular seems to like sentences that come very close to making sense and then don’t), and that, oh hey — YOU DON’T HAVE TO WRITE POLITICAL SONGS TO SAY SOMETHING. BEING POLITICAL JUST BECAUSE ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE BEING POLITICAL DOESN’T ACTUALLY COUNT AND HAS NO MEANING.

But, y’know, they’re all so caught up in their own worth and their own voice, they’d probably just say, “Yeah, you’re so right. God, I’m glad we’re not like that.”

It would be so nice if someone skullfucked them with a rifle.

I’ve decided I won’t be buying the Wrecker’s album. I’ve kind of known for a few days, but i wasn’t absolutely certain, because I love Michelle Branch, and I’ve been waiting a couple years for anything new from her. Putting up with Jessica Harp didn’t seem like much of a price to pay, since I’ve heard them together live (although, not since they’d become The Wreckers, admittedly).

But, then I’d heard some vague mutterings about a posting a couple months or so again. I never saw it, because I never go to artists’ webpages. I’m on dial-up, okay, they load like ass, and they all include music in their layouts that just make things worse and nearly always, the volume is set to eleven, y’know? So I just don’t bother. A good fanpage has better info and images, anyway. But in this case, that habit caused me to miss the kerfluffle, and when I heard about it, it was via other people’s comments on LJ, and I didn’t want to butt in and demand further details.

So then the other week, Blender comes, and there’s a page focussing on them, and mentions what Michi posted. Or, at least, something that she posted on her site, I kind of thought the small bit I heard was in the official MB, but maybe it was just that fans took it to the MB and it got ugly. In which case I do not blame them, because even assuming she was fighting with her label and did it in the heat of anger, and factoring in possible late-pregnancy/post-partem stress, hormones, and moods…the words and the venue, just make it sound like a giant “fuck you” to the fans. And as someone who bought both her solo-albums the very day they came out, and saved any magazine she made the cover of, and would happily have bought live stuff if her label put it out (despite the fact that, honestly, she’s not that good live) — that stings. It saddens and alienates you and just. It makes you really not want to have anything to do with the new stuff. And hey, one less dick for you to suck, right, Michelle? And $14 for me to use on something else. Everybody wins.

Anyway, like I said, at that point, I was losing interest in actually buying the album rapidly, and the other day, I decided that it probably wasn’t going to happen. But just to be sure, I’m listening to a preview, and. Yeah, um. Its country. Which, really, is THAT what her problem was? She wanted to be doing country? Because she could have just done that from the start and been a lot happier, and I couldn’t spent my time and money on…I don’t know, anyone else, really.

Its not even good country. Its like trying-too-hard-to-be-crossover-country country. And its even less emotionally mature than her first album, which, hi, was written at least partially while she was still in high school. And I’ve heard better production values on independent albums. I have independent albums with better production. JoJo’s, for one, when she was still Joanna and sang shongs that actually show off your voice without requiring the vocal-masturbation of riffing. And Gailyn Addis, and — OH! Audrey. Collins, I think? I forget now, but Audrey from America’s Most Talented Kid, her indie production was fairly country, and way better than this. And she was like, 15.

(And dude, JoJo was on that, too, and that was how she GOT her contract, and oh! Cheyenne! She was my fucking favorite, I loved her, and…actually, didn’t Cheyenne win? Huh.)

……I have completely lost both my original thread and probably all credibility with anyone ever. But whatever, the point is, I am not buying the fucking Wreckers, and I’m not even sure I’m going to buy another Michi album at this point (if she even does one), and I really want to dig out my AMTK tapes and watch the highlights again.